Alright, you fuckers, have I got some shit to write about tonight! I guess I could even be described as excited, which is a pretty nice change from what I've been lately. And believe you me, the day did not start with this same sense of giddy ready-to-set-shit-straight attitude.
I assume it's proper to first detail the events of the day, this day that I am so anxious to recount to you, my few faithful readers. Well I'm glad you want to know, so I won't keep you waiting any longer. Get ready to be entertained, it was quite a doozy.
My day officially began upon my waking, which occurred somewhere around 8:00 AM. I was under the impression that I would be taking a short walk this morning, but my wonderful roommate (aka grandmother) spared me, although I had agreed to join her. She let me sleep in a little, so I suppose the day didn't start off too incredibly unfortunate. However, I was awoke with the intent of carting me over to a religious institution (or a church, as she calls it). "Wake up, you have to get ready for church!" I recall as being the words I arose to. Whatever, I figured, and jumped in the shower, and nice hot one, if you were wondering. I don't take cold showers, so I'm sure you were fucking surprised. Anyway, I'm drifting, I suppose I should stick to the story that you are so anxious to hear.
So, we leave the house at about 8:45 to go to this holy gathering. It really isn't very far away, just a few town hops, and we arrived not much later than 9:00. Wonderfully, the pray-orgy didn't start until 9:30, so I was graced with a lovely half hour of being introduced to people whom I didn't really care to meet, as I am rather confident that I will not make attending such festivities a habit. So then, the whole thing happened, and I was rather relieved when everything came to a conclusion. That is, until upon exiting the building, my grandmother informs me that I will be accompanying her to an "after-church special", as I prefer to call it. I had a few choice things to say, but just decided to shut my fucking mouth, as nothing good could possibly come of expelling anything that I was feeling about the situation.
So, I call my love, and essentially yell at her about how "fucking pissed" I was. I upset her a bit, which was not intended, but it happened. I just needed a bit of a vent. Quite amazing how my hour plus with the Lord led me to such a wonderful place in life, where I'm yelling at the one person I care about. Must be something special, this whole bullshit religion idea.
Okay, so in I go, ready to feel abused again by our heavenly father. Luckily, the happiness-raping predicament only lasted thirty minutes, and I was off to my Aunt's for lunch. This was the part of the day that was actually rather lovely. I was able to enjoy full service on my lovely mobile device, and spent my four hours there downloading music, listening to music, enjoying some beautiful views, and communicating with a select group of special friends, including my beautiful girl(friend?).
So everything can't be so bad, eh? Oh just you hold, you fool. I was right off to yet another lovely bout with religion at 5:00 PM. How does it make any sense to spend almost three hours doing this, and then go back for another hour. This was a bit of a more modern service, including drums, clapping, guitars, and the whole lot. I'm sorry, but that doesn't make it any better, maybe even worse. I have a whole bit to say about this as well, trying to modernize something already so shitty. I'll save that for later. To make matters worse, it lasted well past 6:00. I finally got back here around 6:45, made a few phone calls, and sat down to write, as I'm quite interested in writing about this.
Now, for my mad man ramblings. I suppose I'll keep it a bit short, given the length of this is already a bit of a fucking mess.
I have been forced to attend these sing-and-pray events since I was a young chap. I never particularly took a liking to them, but it was forced, so I did my best to tolerate (and if you know me, I don't do very well when it comes to doing things I don't want to do, which I'm sure isn't unique to me). I even did "Sunday School" and fucking despised it. I remember pretending to be asleep in the car when we would arrive, in the ridiculous hopes that my parents would look, think "aw, he's asleep, let's just go in and let him be". Think that ever worked, yea of course fucking not. When in the main service, I would just slump down in my seat, really fucking hate when we had to stand to sing (and I was always forced, never got away with staying in my seat), and would try my best to let my mind wander throughout the duration. It became much easier once I had a cellphone in the later years of these force-fed religious outings.
So, to the point I suppose, wouldn't that be god-damn dandy. I never listened to anything anybody had to say while I was there. Today was different. I listened, both at 9:30, 11:00, and also at 5:00 (just seeing myself type this reminds me of the ridiculousness of a three-time fuck). I came to quite an interesting conclusion about religion. The whole fucking this is one BIG FUCKING GUILT TRIP. The only item of discussion was about how nobody in the room was any fucking good, and how we all suck at being right with the Lord. And I realize, looking back, that I recall this same shit being fed to me as a little tike. The entire holy experience only entails other people telling you that you aren't doing enough. And I remember my pastor once told me that if I didn't attend more regularly, he literally, and I'm not jerking you, told me that I was on a path to hell. If that isn't some proper encouragement, I couldn't give you any idea what was.
Who wants to wake up on the one day where you can usually rest, and go to a building full of obviously stupid people (or at least people who aren't logical), and be told that you are a mediocre prick, and the fact that you've enjoyed any part of your life means that you are going to hell. By the way, I say that the people there aren't logical, because if you were really a logical person, there is no fucking way in hell that you could believe that some bearded guy in the clouds made all this shit down here, and say that science is bullshit. Science=logical, whereas religious=blind. I get why some older people go. Shit, if I was gonna die tomorrow, I'm sure I'd pray, just in case this bullshit turned out to be proper. But unless I'm on my deathbed, I'm not giving this "heavenly father" any of my day. And if he does exist, he should tell his representatives to stop being fucking man-hating twats.
Now look, I really have nothing against religious people, as some of them manage to be quite nice. However, thinking of the members of my church (which I don't attend), they are all miserable geezers, struggling for power in the church. I suppose they have nothing better to live for, so they battle for props in this supposed holy place. How fucking incredible, war in the place of "ultimate peace" and passion. I also know that when I go to these things, people are always gossiping like little fucking schoolgirls. It's quite off putting, as I should think the people there should be much less judgemental, and considering that I heard that today, that they weren't judgemental, and then continue to inform the room that they are lousy god-lovers.
Boy oh fucking boy, this surely felt nice to write out. I'm not even going to read it over, so if there are a few fuck-ups, it's probably because God put them in there. Thanks big guy!
I may write a bit more later tonight, so stay tuned!
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