Unsettled..

So I'm basically stuck up here for at least another two days or so (if I'm lucky), and I'm literally losing my mind. I keep having the most ridiculous dreams, and then I wake up all upset, and then realize that I am to be even more upset, because I'm waking up here, with absolutely no comfort in sight.

I love my grandmother, do not get me wrong, but I feel like she thinks she has a role in changing me, like I'm in need of somebody to save me. That is certainly not why I came up here. I only came up here to get away from everything down in PA. And then I have to hear about how I shouldn't smoke, and she guilt trips me by saying that smoking is what killed my grandfather, as if I didn't know. I sincerely hope she doesn't think I'm doing it in spite of her. It's just that this is something that I really don't need right now. Obviously if I needed an escape in the first place, maybe I've gone a bit mental. I would love to just wish everybody to fuck off, but that's not exactly in the cards.

On top of that, I went to help out my uncle at his store today. I did a bit of data entry, but then as I was finishing up a few he gave me, the system that he inputs them into crashed. We could start the program again, but could't get to where I was inputting data. So it just figures that the one time I go to help, the computer ends up being a bastard, making it look like I was at fault. However, I did some research on how to remedy this predicament, and it appears that I am not the only person to encounter such an error message. It actually seems to be quite common. So, before I left, I purged the old data (which takes a few hours) and then left. Hopefully it's working tomorrow, because the program doesn't have a technical support hotline anymore, as it was discontinued. It would be rather shitty if it never worked again, just after I tinkered with it.

In case you were wondering what my life is like at this very moment, I'm sitting here at the laptop, listening to a train go by. And that, everybody, is about it. I can't stand being without my girl anymore. I had a dream that she decided that she was ready, and that we were like, actually dating. Of course I woke up a little disappointed, as I'm still somewhat secret. But whatever, I've been in this situation for awhile now, and I'd rather be a secret than nothing at all. I could go on and on about this, but it wouldn't mean anything or get me anywhere, so there's no reason to bother.

I watched Memento last night. I had actually never see the movie. It was pretty good. Christopher Nolan is a pretty clever fellow. I can't wait to get Inception on DVD. I want to smoke some illegal stuff and watch it. I can only imagine. That movie was a mindfuck in and of itself.

Well, I think I'm going to go face the cold and sit outside for awhile. I'm rightfully dreading my 7:00AM wakeup to go for a walk. It would be fine if it were just a walk. But, I don't really take walks, so I'm going from hardly any walking to waking up earlier than I ever wake up to walk in excess of 2 miles each time. I suppose I could just refuse to go, but I don't want to upset this dynamic anymore than my cigarettes have.

I need somebody to save me. But nobody will. When did I become such a loner in this world. A shame, innit?