Fuck this shit. Lets get fucked up.

Oh boy oh boy, how is everybody today. I want everybody to get on my level right now. That is, put your head between your legs, and sob. Go on, do it. It'll feel wonderful. Just let it out... let it out... everything will be okay!

Okay, so you ready? Did you enjoy your day today? That's fucking WONDERFUL. I didn't either. Yea, I know, it was pretty nice outside. I know, I didn't really see either. I mean, don't get my wrong, I went outside a few times to smoke some sticks of death, but I didn't really get to fully enjoy the wonderful day. Do you regret it? I do too.. but not really.

I've certainly thought about dying before, but you know those days where there's absolutely nothing that you can wrap your head around that makes any of this shit worth it? Yea, one of those days, precisely. I mean, what the fuck is going on? Nothing positive at all, that's certain. Shit, I thought coming home would be something nice, like a vacation from the hell of a life I've been living. Turns out, now, even the one thing I hold on to keep me sane ends up being a dead end.

I've honest to god been in quite the chipper mood as of late. This weekend, although not completed yet, has flushed all of those happy times down the drain. It's strange how I, with relatively simple desires, can manage to dig myself into this stage of self-loathing again. It's really quite simple to figure out why people use drugs and alcohol. I mean, really, think about it. Has either substance ever been too busy or had better things to do than hang out? Absolutely not. And their company is most enjoyable. Mystery solved.

I could go on and on, but what's the point. The point is that I'm a lonely good for nothing fuck up that longs for the love of other people. I find comfort not from myself, but through others around me, or if that doesn't work, through heroin or some other readily available opiate. Yes, I'm saying this because it's true. And no, just because I'm mad as a fucking really mad whatever, that doesn't mean I'm gonna go out and go down that road again. This is simply my process of venting, and it works remarkably well.

I'm talking to Joey on the phone right now. I'm quite happy at the moment, it's about time I got somebody to hang out with. I've been fucking alone all day. Minus a stint with one other person.

Alright, just hung up the phone. I don't even know what he's doing, always some crazy shit with Mr. Joey. Now I'm back to being shitty again. There's a few bottles of wine in the fridge, this night could turn out for the better. Plus, I'm trying to see if somebody else wants to hang out. I gotta make something happen. Just repeat after me, "Drugs are not the answer!" Sure, they make me feel a lot less like playing in traffic, but eventually it just makes everything much worse. It's an endless cycle, it certainly is.

Basically, just for today, and probably the next couple weeks, fuck everything.

Now, go have fun for me. Peace.