Fucking hump day..

So, I was maintaining a fairly positive attitude this morning, until I started getting blamed for something that had absolutely nothing to do with me at all. I'm outside, enjoying my morning cigarette, when I hear yelling coming from inside the house. I put down my stick of death, and wander into the house. I come in to yelling, "I don't know how to get into my Webkinz, there's no log in button, I think you are doing that just to mess with me". Now, I understand that my grandmother doesn't know how to use computers, but the accusation that I would do anything to "mess with her" just hit my buttons in the worst way.

I showed her how to scroll down (the log in button is on the buttom of the screen, just out of view). I showed her how she could click the bar on the right side of the screen, scroll the mouse wheel, or simply hit the down key to show the log in. So, I took care of that.

But, really, what the fuck would my business be "messing" with her? It just solidified my feeling of being some sort of good-for-nothing fucker, always out to just fuck people over and "mess" with them. I don't need this shit, I really don't. I'm one bad night away from just offing myself in the first place, this is the last thing I fucking need.

I've decided that I should come home for a day or two tomorrow after work. I'm going to work out the details with my uncle. I was thinking that waiting until Friday would be a better idea, but I don't really feel like being here all that long. While I'm down in PA, I'll try to find myself a job. I just don't know if I can deal with this shit up here. It's bad enough that I don't have cable, or high speed internet, or cell phone service, but now I'm just somebody out to mess with everything my grandmother holds dear (Webkinz, yes...). I've been doing my best to stay in a mood that reflects that life is worth all of the bullshit that you have to deal with, but this is certainly affecting my stance at the moment.

I'm aware that this whole situation isn't the worst scenario to ever play out in my life, but it's enough that in this semi-fragile state that I'm in, I want to get the fuck out, and fast. I would leave today, but that's a bit drastic. I'll try to hold on until tomorrow. I could really use a drink right about now. Honestly, I could go for just about anything, anything to get me out of this mood.

Seriously, fuck this shit.