killing time, until it's good and dead.

I would love to spend the majority of my time numbing my mind on tumblr, or youtube, or whatever, but the internet connection I have makes it a somewhat painstaking process. So, while I still manage to partake in the wonderful offerings of the internet, it frustrates me still. Which is no good, because I'm quite sufficiently frustrated with just about everything else.

However, there is a shred of good news. Tomorrow, we are going to go see a dog. She's a beagle and something mix, and I've been told she's lovely. I'm actually quite excited. I've never had a dog. My grandmother has, of course, as she just lost hers a little over a month ago. But, her dog wasn't really a big part of my life, as I wasn't up here very frequently. But, being here now, I am very excited at the prospect of a canine companion.

I'm still listening to Radiohead, still trying to understand why they are so beloved. I'm trying my best not to skip through, but I think I'm just going to give up. Maybe if I was fucked up on something I would find the album much more interesting? But then again, I still don't know if that would be the case. I'm very open to all types of music, but this just doesn't hit the spot for me. I guess I'll just be an outsider in this regard, because I know how highly they are praised. But, Karma Police is playing now, and I can tolerate that song, not that it's the perfect song that so many swear by.

I wish I had the same enthusiasm that I felt last night. I was so torn between a variety of time killing procedures, I wasn't quite sure how to manage my time. Now, less than twenty-four hours later, I find myself lost, having no desire to really do anything, besides maybe smoke some fine green and sleep for ages. I constantly have the desire to sleep, I just wish I was able to. I wish I could come home from work/church/whatever activity, and just sleep until the next appointment came along. Tomorrow should be at least a little bit better. Work, see the dog (hopefully get the dog, which would be wonderful), maybe look for a new car, and who knows what else. I'm just annoyed with always going through the day being anxious for another day, a day that's a bit less shitty than the current one.

I'm seeing more and more Christmas lights go up, which is nice. Oh, and I forgot to mention, my uncle (the one I work for) came to the contemporary church service tonight! I was standing up, and somebody grabbed my side. I was immediately like, "what the hell is going on?" because I don't know anybody there well enough for them to touch me, and when I turned, I was amazed to see my uncle. It was a nice surprise, and afterwards he told us about the dog. So, something interesting happened today. I also went to a viewing for one of my grandfather's old friends. I didn't know anybody there, and it was a bit awkward, but luckily I think my grandmother felt the same way, and we didn't stay more than a minute or so.

On another note, I'm reforming myself a bit. It's not going to be easy, or a smooth transition, or anything like that. But, I always felt that nothing is any good if you don't have somebody to share it with. I'm reforming this view, and I'm gonna try to make things alright on my own. I don't know where this came from, but I guess I'm just sick of letdowns, of relying on anybody but myself. Unfortunately, the state that I'm in right now doesn't allow me to rely on myself for much of anything, but I hope to change that soon.

I have a feeling that maybe I'll think of something else to write about a bit later, but I'm not sure. I thought I had a good idea earlier, but that was lost by the time I started typing. Have a lovely evening.