Regression

Well, today didn't start out all that bad. Besides not getting to sleep until about 5:45AM and waking up at 8:30ish, the morning went by in a fairly smooth manner. We got a couple phones out, and basically have just been relaxing since then. I downloaded a bunch of apps for my phone, and installed them from my memory card. So, that occupied a good deal of my time.

Then, I was texting back and forth with my hopeful girlfriend of the future. I was made aware that I've been acting a bit strange lately. It's been nice seeing her the past few days, every day. I could really get used to that. But I suppose some of the conversation I was bringing up was a bit ill-timed. I completely agree, and just feel somewhat ridiculous now.

I can't even crack a smile all the sudden. I was going to try and see her tonight, and keep up the trend that has me so happy, but I guess that's not going to happen anymore. I'm a bit embarrassed, and it looks like it's just going to be one of those lonely nights. I'm sitting here at the mall, on my laptop, trying to force myself to care about work for the remaining three hours or so. However, my heart and my mind are certainly elsewhere.

I've been trying a bit excessively to make things work out for the better. I guess I have to let go and just let things happen. But, I thought I was making progress in said situation. Now I feel like all of that progress was lost. I'm just so frustrated with myself. I would do anything to make this happen, and maybe that's my problem. I don't know what I have to do. I'm so hopelessly in love, and my fate is not in my hands at this point. I'm just feeling... I don't know... I guess just lonely. I'm not going to go on and complain about anything, as for the most part, my life hasn't been bad. It's just this one last obstacle to overcome.

I just wish I could smile, but my heart hurts. Chris thinks I'm not talking to him, but I just don't have anything to say. I can't wait for the mall to close so I can just go home and hopefully go right to sleep. I don't feel well..

Goodnight.