its funny

I remember how just a few months back I thought that December would be the greatest month ever, and the start of an even better existence on this planet. However, I was wrong. I thought that with less things on the schedule, more time could be spent, and whatnot. It really sucks that nothing worked out as I hoped it would, not even close. Now, I see her even less, and talk to her much less. I didn't hear a word from her all day. I think maybe she finally just moved on, stopped feeling bad about it or something.

I never asked her to feel bad for me. I just wanted to be with her. The worst part is, that once I didn't see her as often, things got even shittier. I was comforted by my aforementioned belief. That's why I held on so long. Now it's been over a year and things just don't even exist anymore. Like, what happened? I thought I had the perfect setup, and now I have even less than what I thought I ever had before.

It's not a good thing, this state I'm in. I'm not going into details, but everybody says I look like shit. I guess that's not a good sign. Oh well, I don't care if other people think I look like shit. It's just a reflection of the condition I'm in, and how I feel.

I wish I would've known sooner that this would happen. So I would have at least kept some of my heart for myself.

Hopefully this will be the night where I go to sleep for a long time. I'm tired of everything. Just so tired...