still awake.

I didn't think that I would be updating this tonight, but my inability to fall asleep has prevented me from abstaining.

Today was a pretty decent day overall. I worked, but not hard. Matt and I just kind of hung out for the majority of the day, listening to Phil Collins, Starship, and a few other wonderful artists. We sat on our phones, browsed the internet, watched videos, etc. I sold a phone early on in the day, but the mall was pretty deserted for the majority of the day. Tim came to hang out with us for an hour or so, which was nice.

Then, as 9:00 rolls around (and Angela was outside waiting for me to come out and give me a ride home), five people walk into the store. Of course, I'm doing the closing paperwork, because I'm quick, so Matt starts talking to the customers. Eventually, it is decided that they want to upgrade a line. Of course, this couldn't be simple, we had to call customer care twice, and then we had to redo all of the paperwork once the transaction was completed. Long story short, we didn't even leave until 10, and Matt gave me a ride home.

So, once I got home, I played Treasure Madness for about two hours. I don't know how I managed such a ridiculous feat, but I did. And then about an hour ago I decided to lay down and try to sleep. It's clearly evident that my attempt failed. Then, my dad came home, so I went downstairs to see him. He pointed out that it was trash night, so I went out and took the trash around. Now, after laying in bed for another twenty minutes or so, I find myself with little else to do. I really want to go get some food somewhere, but they only place I can really think of at the moment is Tom Jones, and I'm not going alone. So I guess I'm just shit out of luck with that idea.

I think I'm going to hang out in Philly tomorrow whenever I decide to leave the house. I don't think I have the patience to sit around my house all day, that usually makes me feel just the slightest bit suicidal. I need to do something with my time. I have watching TV, and the internet gets old really quick, so I'm going to go occupy my mind with some urban exploration. More like I'm going to try to hang out with some friends in the city that I haven't seen for awhile.

I hardly even talked to the object of my affection today. I think maybe two text messages? I don't know how to feel about it. I guess it's good that I'm not relying on her to make it through my day. But, I feel like this is what she wanted the whole time. It's that whole, "if you love something, let it go" deal. But I don't see her coming back to me at all, so I guess she was never mine to begin with. Nothing new there, I'm quite accustomed to loneliness and disappointment.

Tim and I are going to be eachother's wingmen I suppose. We seem to both be in a similar situation, one in which we used to be on top of the world, and are now living shit lives. Maybe hanging out will bring the best back in each of us. Plus, we need to find some female companionship. I want to find love, it's as simple as that. I feel like I'm so far behind. So many people I knew from high school are either married or engaged. It's just crazy. I figured that would be me. Now look, I don't even have anything close to a relationship. Honestly, I'm just disappointed in myself. However, I did get hit on today by a group of girls, so maybe I can still get it. I may not be enough for the one I want, but I gotta be enough for somebody, especially since I'm finally going to have my shit together.

I'm thinking about maybe living with Tim. I know he wants to get out of his house, and I get along wonderfully with him, so why not? I'm definitely not planning it, but it's a thought if I decide to stay around here. I guess I'll figure that out as time goes on. I'm just living day by day. I lost the only girl that was really keeping me from losing my mind, so now I'm just on my own, trying not to swerve off the road.

I'm not going to lie, I have a bad feeling about the future. I hope I can keep my shit together, but the way things are now, all the shit that's brought me down doesn't look so bad anymore. I'm trying to stay focused, but I have nothing right now. I was doing pretty well when I thought maybe I had a chance of making things with a certain somebody work out. Now I just kind of feel... I don't know how to describe it... besides "lost". Every day feels pointless lately. I'm just trying to survive now, and I've lost sight of whatever I thought I wanted, because it's all gone.

Hopefully in a few hours, I'll get out of the house and make myself have a good day. Maybe I'll just get really stoned and forget about how much everything sucks. It really is a wonderful cure-all.

Either way, I'm going to try to find something else to do besides keep ranting on here. Maybe browse OkCupid some more, or hit up some ex girlfriends on Facebook. What a wonderful life I do lead.