another day has come and gone.

I don't know why I'm still awake. I've been piecing together my life in my mind.I've been sitting here starving for affection. I've been playing games on my phone. I've been listening to a few songs here and there. The only thing I haven't done is that I haven't found what I'm looking for. Rather, I may have found parts, but it's not quite falling into place.

I'm no stranger to this. My mind goes a bit crazy at night (hence the usual rambling complaints that so often fill this blog). I haven't been feeling as depressed over the past few days, which is a nice change. I haven't exactly had a great week, but it wasn't awful. So, as far as in this instant, I don't want to do anything like overdose, etc. My week was decent enough to keep me on this planet for at least awhile longer. I'm sure I'll end up having another episode down the line, but there's not much else I can do. My goal for the next coming week is to actually find some people to surround myself with, so I'm not left alone with my overactive brain by myself. The major goal is finding female companionship.

I know it is ridiculous that I feel this is so necessary, but I can't help but find it important. I haven't had a girlfriend, or even close to one, for at least three, or more like four, years. I really want to find somebody. I want somebody to share everything with, somebody to wake up next to, somebody to kiss goodnight, somebody to talk to about my day, somebody who loves me. I want that more than anything. Plus, I'm not getting any younger. I'm not saying that I want kids right now, but if I do want kids before I'm 30 (preferably a few years before that). That doesn't leave me much time to meet somebody, because I'm not going to start a family with somebody right off the bat. I just feel like I've wasted so much time over the past couple years. I used to be cool, I used to be considered somewhat attractive. I seem to now have the same polarity as any girl that I like, and like magnets, they instantly repel away.

Well, that's my rant for the night. Just a hopeless romantic looking for somebody to treat like a princess. I would love to cuddle with somebody right now. I want to be held and told that things will only get better. Maybe when that happens I can start to believe in that possibility. I've found somebody, but lost her, and now I have to pick myself up and put myself out there. I just hope I can find somebody half as beautiful and sweet, because that would be fine by me. I couldn't get the optimal choice, so I'll go for the 50% choice, :)

Goodnight all.