Finally, in a decent mood!

So, this is most likely a passing thing, but I'm in a surprisingly good mood this evening. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm not complaining, that's for sure.

I tried texting the woman that makes me smile, but she doesn't seem too interested in talking to me this evening. I do understand this, though. I'm nothing but a pain in her ass as of late. I'm just the guy that won't let go, regardless of if she is with somebody else. But my issue with this is that he is not right for her anymore. I'm not arguing that he is undeserving, or making any judgement on his character, but he is leaving her soon. He is moving away for something "more", to my understanding. I fail to see how this is romantic, and any person who would leave such a beautiful person is a bit crazy in my eyes. I would give the world to hold her hand every day, and would never dream of leaving her side. I suppose this is why I'm so upset about the situation. This guy gets picked over me, and he's leaving her. What does that say about me? Not much, but oh well, I'm staying positive tonight.

That's not the only thing that's on my mind. I'm looking forward to this week. I'm going to work tomorrow, and then have off the following two days. During these two days, I have a few things to get accomplished. I'm going to go to Drexel and try to finally figure out my scholarship situation. I'm very excited about this. I hope I can get back into school come June, not only to finally finish, but also to hopefully meet some cool people, and maybe actually meet a girl who wants to spend some time with me. All I want is companionship, I'm not asking for much. But, my desire has not been fulfilled, so I need to do something about it. If you can't be with the one that you love, you have to love the one you're with (the one I'm trying to find).

I got a text from Dave and Gina tonight. It's nice to know that some people actually think about me from time to time. I am excited to start doing things like a normal person again. It will definitely be a nice change of pace from being a solo substance abuser. That gets entirely too boring. The only positive of the latter is that I don't have to feel anything. No negative thoughts, just blankness, which is nice when your real life is only filled with pain. So, I'm trying to fill my life with some more positive things, trying to live each day as if it were my last, because who knows what's going to happen. One false move, and it might be my last. I'm holding on as best I can, though.

Yesterday, I thought that maybe life wasn't really worth carrying on with. I felt alone. I still do feel alone, but tonight it's not bothering me quite as much. At this moment, I'm semi-content with myself, which is a whole new feeling for me. I just really would like to work things out with the one person who makes me feel alive. I'm doing my best to not let that dictate my life, and in this moment right now, it's not. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, but I'm not trying to worry about that right now. I'm living for today, day by day, minute by minute. That's the only way to do things. If I start thinking about the future, and how most likely it will be with her absence from my life, then I won't want to carry on. So, right now, I'm thinking about right now. That's all I can do, so that's all I will do.

I've been listening to some good music lately, and it feels wonderful to actually enjoy listening to music again. For awhile, I didn't even open up my iTunes on my laptop, because I had such a ridiculous loss of interest. I'm slowly starting to get some of that back, and I'm hoping to dive into some new books to keep my mind entertained as well.

Isn't this lovely? Finally a post where I'm not whining. I'm not going to say that this will become common, but I sure hope that it does. With any luck, maybe it can be forever. If I can make one certain thing happen, I'm sure that it will be forever. But, since I can't make her love me, I have to look for other things to keep me upbeat. Therefore, I ask you to wish me luck, and get in touch with me if you'd like to fill my frequently vacant life. Get at me on Facebook or shoot me an e-mail to sonsalla@gmail.com. I would love some new people in my life to keep me positive and occupied.

I wish everybody a nice week, and I'll try to keep posting, and with any luck, post more positive things. I'm sure I'll break down again every once in awhile, but I'll try my damnedest to maintain some sort of happiness. And wish me luck with the lady of my dreams. If that ever happens, I know that my life will be beautiful forever. If not, then it's going to take a hell of a lot more work on my end, which I don't mind, I just get frustrated knowing how close I am. Good night, people!